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==Post== |
==Post== |
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Dating is hard. And that's coming from a guy who once hooked up a refurbished Soviet-era [[ |
Dating is hard. And that's coming from a guy who once hooked up a refurbished Soviet-era [[Wikipedia:NK-33|NK-43]] rocket engine to his [[Mr. Ramon (Earth-1: Pre-Crisis)|dad's]] crummy [[Wikipedia:Oldsmobile|Oldsmobile 88]] with nothing but a Handyman toolkit and a vat of orange soda. Girls are different. There are no equations or blueprints to get them to like you. And there's a certain void that even quantum mechanics and the latest tech toys can't fill. Why am I waxing and waning about love? That foot-popping kiss from the [[Lisa Snart (Earth-1: Pre-Crisis)|Golden Glider]] last week (yeah, that happened) made me realize that sure, I get to hangout and kick-ass with a bonafide [[Barry Allen (Earth-1: Pre-Crisis)|superhero]], but what is a life of daring heroics without the opportunity to get a little romantical on the side? |
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Every other Friday night, while all the [[ |
Every other Friday night, while all the [[Wikipedia:Romeo|Romeos]] are out with their [[Wikipedia:Juliet|Juliets]], [[CC Jitters (Earth-1: Pre-Crisis)|CC Jitters]] hosts "An Espresso Shot at Love." Basically, speed dating. I know, I know – totally lame, right? But the thought of kicking off yet another weekend watching reruns of [[Wikipedia:Xena: Warrior Princess|Xena: Warrior Princess]] made me throw on a bowtie, pop a breath mint, and slap on a nametag. |
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When I got there, the ladies were already stationed at tables scattered around the room, doing some last minute primping and not-so-subtle-selfie-checks with their phones. There was a solid age distribution – everything from the college freshies to the middle-aged cougars. I had prepped my game with the latest issue of [[ |
When I got there, the ladies were already stationed at tables scattered around the room, doing some last minute primping and not-so-subtle-selfie-checks with their phones. There was a solid age distribution – everything from the college freshies to the middle-aged cougars. I had prepped my game with the latest issue of [[Wikipedia:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|Cosmo]] (and those hair care tips are on point) so I was feeling pretty good by the time I plopped down across from [[Olivia (Earth-1: Pre-Crisis)|Olivia]], a super cute philosophy major at [[Hudson University (Earth-1: Pre-Crisis)|Hudson U]]. |
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Things started off great – she laughed at my [[ |
Things started off great – she laughed at my [[Wikipedia:Christopher Walken|Christopher Walken]] impression, she puts strawberry jelly on her PB&J (none of that grape nonsense!), and she totally dug my time-is-relative wristwatch. The pheromones were shooting between us like fireworks. But when she touched my hand with her French-manicured fingers, something happened... |
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All of a sudden, I was no longer making goo-goo eyes at a potential mate – I was staring into a terrifying row of dagger-like teeth. My heart starting hammering, I broke out in a cold sweat, and there's a high probability that I screamed like a little girl. What the hell was that? A monster? A [[Metahumans (Earth-1: Pre-Crisis)|meta]]? I tried to get my wits, but the vision swam, and I was back at Jitters, the bell was dinging, and some overeager lothario was shoving me out of my seat, so he could take a shot at Olivia. |
All of a sudden, I was no longer making goo-goo eyes at a potential mate – I was staring into a terrifying row of dagger-like teeth. My heart starting hammering, I broke out in a cold sweat, and there's a high probability that I screamed like a little girl. What the hell was that? A monster? A [[Metahumans (Earth-1: Pre-Crisis)|meta]]? I tried to get my wits, but the vision swam, and I was back at Jitters, the bell was dinging, and some overeager lothario was shoving me out of my seat, so he could take a shot at Olivia. |
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*All posts are from the perspective of [[Cisco Ramon (Earth-1: Pre-Crisis)|Cisco Ramon]]. |
*All posts are from the perspective of [[Cisco Ramon (Earth-1: Pre-Crisis)|Cisco Ramon]]. |
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*This post was released alongside the episode {{Ep|Family of Rogues}}. |
*This post was released alongside the episode {{Ep|Family of Rogues}}. |
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*Cisco describes one of his earliest experiences with [[ |
*Cisco describes one of his earliest experiences with [[Vibes]]. |
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==[[:Category:Images from {{{images|S.W.A.K.}}}|Gallery]]== |
==[[:Category:Images from {{{images|S.W.A.K.}}}|Gallery]]== |
Latest revision as of 17:00, 21 August 2023
S.W.A.K. is a blog post from The Chronicles of Cisco. It was released on October 26, 2015.
Post[edit | hide | hide all]
Dating is hard. And that's coming from a guy who once hooked up a refurbished Soviet-era NK-43 rocket engine to his dad's crummy Oldsmobile 88 with nothing but a Handyman toolkit and a vat of orange soda. Girls are different. There are no equations or blueprints to get them to like you. And there's a certain void that even quantum mechanics and the latest tech toys can't fill. Why am I waxing and waning about love? That foot-popping kiss from the Golden Glider last week (yeah, that happened) made me realize that sure, I get to hangout and kick-ass with a bonafide superhero, but what is a life of daring heroics without the opportunity to get a little romantical on the side?
Every other Friday night, while all the Romeos are out with their Juliets, CC Jitters hosts "An Espresso Shot at Love." Basically, speed dating. I know, I know – totally lame, right? But the thought of kicking off yet another weekend watching reruns of Xena: Warrior Princess made me throw on a bowtie, pop a breath mint, and slap on a nametag.
When I got there, the ladies were already stationed at tables scattered around the room, doing some last minute primping and not-so-subtle-selfie-checks with their phones. There was a solid age distribution – everything from the college freshies to the middle-aged cougars. I had prepped my game with the latest issue of Cosmo (and those hair care tips are on point) so I was feeling pretty good by the time I plopped down across from Olivia, a super cute philosophy major at Hudson U.
Things started off great – she laughed at my Christopher Walken impression, she puts strawberry jelly on her PB&J (none of that grape nonsense!), and she totally dug my time-is-relative wristwatch. The pheromones were shooting between us like fireworks. But when she touched my hand with her French-manicured fingers, something happened...
All of a sudden, I was no longer making goo-goo eyes at a potential mate – I was staring into a terrifying row of dagger-like teeth. My heart starting hammering, I broke out in a cold sweat, and there's a high probability that I screamed like a little girl. What the hell was that? A monster? A meta? I tried to get my wits, but the vision swam, and I was back at Jitters, the bell was dinging, and some overeager lothario was shoving me out of my seat, so he could take a shot at Olivia.
I had to get out of there. I had to figure out what the heck I just saw. Guess my love life will be DOA for the foreseeable future until I can figure out what's going on with my brain – I just wish it wouldn't mess with matters of the heart![1]
Notes[edit | hide]
- All posts are from the perspective of Cisco Ramon.
- This post was released alongside the episode Family of Rogues.
- Cisco describes one of his earliest experiences with Vibes.
Gallery[edit | hide]
-
S.W.A.K.