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    S.W.A.K. is a blog post from The Chronicles of Cisco. It was released on October 26, 2015.

    Post[edit | hide | hide all]

    Dating is hard. And that's coming from a guy who once hooked up a refurbished Soviet-era NK-43 rocket engine to his dad's crummy Oldsmobile 88 with nothing but a Handyman toolkit and a vat of orange soda. Girls are different. There are no equations or blueprints to get them to like you. And there's a certain void that even quantum mechanics and the latest tech toys can't fill. Why am I waxing and waning about love? That foot-popping kiss from the Golden Glider last week (yeah, that happened) made me realize that sure, I get to hangout and kick-ass with a bonafide superhero, but what is a life of daring heroics without the opportunity to get a little romantical on the side?

    Every other Friday night, while all the Romeos are out with their Juliets, CC Jitters hosts "An Espresso Shot at Love." Basically, speed dating. I know, I know – totally lame, right? But the thought of kicking off yet another weekend watching reruns of Xena: Warrior Princess made me throw on a bowtie, pop a breath mint, and slap on a nametag.

    When I got there, the ladies were already stationed at tables scattered around the room, doing some last minute primping and not-so-subtle-selfie-checks with their phones. There was a solid age distribution – everything from the college freshies to the middle-aged cougars. I had prepped my game with the latest issue of Cosmo (and those hair care tips are on point) so I was feeling pretty good by the time I plopped down across from Olivia, a super cute philosophy major at Hudson U.

    Things started off great – she laughed at my Christopher Walken impression, she puts strawberry jelly on her PB&J (none of that grape nonsense!), and she totally dug my time-is-relative wristwatch. The pheromones were shooting between us like fireworks. But when she touched my hand with her French-manicured fingers, something happened...

    All of a sudden, I was no longer making goo-goo eyes at a potential mate – I was staring into a terrifying row of dagger-like teeth. My heart starting hammering, I broke out in a cold sweat, and there's a high probability that I screamed like a little girl. What the hell was that? A monster? A meta? I tried to get my wits, but the vision swam, and I was back at Jitters, the bell was dinging, and some overeager lothario was shoving me out of my seat, so he could take a shot at Olivia.

    I had to get out of there. I had to figure out what the heck I just saw. Guess my love life will be DOA for the foreseeable future until I can figure out what's going on with my brain – I just wish it wouldn't mess with matters of the heart![1]

    Notes[edit | hide]

    • All posts are from the perspective of Cisco Ramon.
    • This post was released alongside the episode Family of Rogues.
    • Cisco describes one of his earliest experiences with Vibes.

    Gallery[edit | hide]

    References[edit | hide]

    The Chronicles of Cisco

    Chapter One: Peek-a-Boo The Cold Gun Chapter Two: Prism Chapter Three: The Mist Chapter Four: Cinema Cisco The Heat Gun Chapter Five: Mark Mardon Chapter Six: Brie Larvan Chapter Seven: Hannibal Bates Chapter Eight: Jake Simmons Chapter Nine: Cisco Disco Chapter Ten Post 13 S.T.A.R. Labs 4EVR!!! The Boot Namaste S.W.A.K. Trick or Treat! Post 19 A Little TLC! Post 21 Post 22 Vibe vs. The Fifth Grader Post 24 BBFF Bon Voyage! Post 27 Post 28 Vibe Goggles Land vs. Sea! Cisco's Central City Sightseeing Tour Zoom.Is.Jay. Welcome to Gorilla City! Post 34 Post 35 Post 36 Post 37 Post 38 Post 39 Post 40 Target Practice! Post 42 Cisco Ramon: Intergalactic Adventurer! Post 44 We Conquered El Gigante! Post 46 AlienMovieNight AWholeLatteLove Something about Gypsy was cosmic... Kid Flash and Vibe's Excellent Adventure Cisco Workout: BodyByBreach SuaveStyle MetaBromance FlashKaraoke EmoCisco WhoIsSavitar? Post 57 Post 58 Post 59 Post 60 Now Playing: Kid Flash & Vibe's Excellent Adventure Pt. II Post 62 Laser Tag: The Sequel Cisco's Super Spooky Moviethon 2017 Cisco's Bachelor Elixir Wells the Grey 12 Months of Cisco Thanksgiving with Breacher Killer Night Out GhostVibe In Memorium Beebo 1992-2018 Run, Cisco! Run!! swolepatrol StarLabsGames AttackOfTheCorn RunIrisRun Breacher 2.0 Post 78 BestListenerEver Post 80 SonnyWells Flashtime CiscoSecrets YOLO NoClowningAround All Your Cisco are Belong 2 Us 100Episodes Schway BOGONONO ArcticLab101 DailyDibny WTShrap?! BreacherFail Grounded DoItForTheGram Post 96 Post 97 Barry Allen's Greatest Hits Post 99 Post 100 Post 101

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