Vibe vs. The Fifth Grader

Vibe vs. The Fifth Grader is a blog post from The Chronicles of Cisco. It was released on January 18, 2016.

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When it comes to New Year's resolutions, my track record isn't the greatest. Last year, I resolved to get to work on time, but it's hard not to hit snooze when you've been binge-watching Jane the Virgin until 3 a.m. The year before that was supposed to be the year of healthy eating, but then Big Belly Burger added deep-fried-mac-and-cheese-stuffed cheeseburgers to their lineup, and you know I couldn't say no to that! So, when the ball dropped on 2016, I didn't let the champagne bubbles go to my head. I kept my goal for this year a little more grounded. They say that charity is good for the soul, so I signed up to help out at an after-school program for underprivileged youth. Kids love me. How hard could it be?

Turns out, very. Now, I'm new at the whole "superhero" thing, but I think Vibe has already found his nemesis: a particularly malicious fifth-grader we'll call "Joffrey 2.0." From the moment I set foot in the building, this kid had it in for me – basketballs were thrown at my head, glue was left on my chair, and gum was stuck in my hair. This kid would give the Trickster a run for his money! At chow time, I decided to whip up a batch of Abuela Ramon's Slap Yo Mama chili (patent pending). I threw the top secret ingredients into a vat and set it on the stove to simmer. My downfall was stepping away to help a girl with her homework. In the five minutes it took to explain how to solve for x, Joffrey 2.0 snuck into the kitchen and plugged in every electrical appliance there was, which overloaded the system and plunged the building into darkness.

I was not going to let my tactical error destroy dinner! The chili was out – it still needed to cook but without power it was getting chilly (no pun intended). I sent out an SOS to my boy Barry, and he arrived within seconds with a towering stack of Coast City pies. The kids went wild – both because they were getting a pizza party and because it was hand-delivered by The Flash! While Barry kept them preoccupied, I ventured to the basement to try and reboot the power. Little did I know that Joffrey 2.0 was shadowing me. I think he intended to lock me in, but when I opened the breaker and began working my Cisco magic, his intellectual curiosity got the better of him. He was fascinated by the concept of protons, electrons, and currents – there was a definite spark that went off in him (pun intended!) and it was all I could do to keep up with his onslaught of questions. Joffrey 2.0 (who, come to think of it, looked more like a Stark) was thrilled when I let him flip the switch and the power surged back to life. Back upstairs, he was hardly impressed by the Flash's speed – he even told me, somewhat embarrassed, that he thought I was the real hero of the night!

Who knows, maybe Vibe could use a sidekick?